|
2006
|
Queen
Seeks New Car
 The
Queen
of Great Britain is seeking a new Royal limousine to replace her
4-year-old Bentley.
In
December 2001, Bentley - still under the same roof as Rolls-Royce then
- presented the Queen a new London taxi... excuse me.... a new
limousine as a present to celebrate her majesty's golden jubilee of ruining
ruling the UK. However, 4 years on and the Bentley was
proved to be horribly thirsty. It consistently returned single-figure
mpg and eat heavily into the ever-tightening Royal family budget.
Sources close to the Royal family revealed that Tony Blair recently
requested the Queen to either change the car or walk on foot.
Considering her majesty's overweight body, she chose the former option.
 <<
Horrible
fuel consumption scared the Queen
The Queen was also
unhappy that she was cheated by Bentley - since she
received the car the company actually became a German company,
controlled by a company established by her enemy Hitler and the Nazi
party. This caused her many sleepless nights. Therefore this time
around her majesty wants to make sure her new car must be produced by a
pure British car maker.
In the beginning,
the
Queen chose Jaguar, hoping its lightweight
technology can solve her overweight problem. Unfortunately, when she
realized Jaguar was part of the Ford group and the latter belongs to
American actor Harrison Ford, she shifted her attention to BMC. But
then she was shocked to hear that BMC already evolved to British
Leyland, then Austin-Rover, then Rover, and then MG-Rover, and then
vanished a year ago.
Eventually, the
choices
were reduced to two manufacturers - Morgan and
Bristol.
Morgan's managing
director Charles Morgan felt very excited when he
heard this news. "This is the best day to our family since my
Grandfather caught a big fish in 1909 ! we will definitely tried our
best to serve the Queen with the best car in the world ! we
even developed a 4-seater specially for her majesty.
 <<
4-Seater
specially developed for Queen
"For sure, I am
confident that our car suit her majesty most. For
example, our wooden chassis matches her wooden face perfectly. Our
outdated styling matches her outdated thinking."
At the other side,
Bristol's Tony Crook also wants to make the deal
with the Queen. "The Queen will be our most important customer. Frankly
speaking, apart from her majesty I can't think of anybody interested in
our outdated look. If we make the deal, we can increase our sales
performance by 100% compare with last year !
 << Bristol
Blenheim 3G
"I do think we
have
strong advantage over our competitor because we
know the needs of the Queen. To reduce fuel costs, we shall offer her
majesty our LPG-powered Blenheim 3G. We shall provide a 18-meter
transparent refuelling hose, so it will be very convenient to steal gas
from the kitchen of Tony Blair's house.
"Besides, the car
has an
easily replaceable spare tire located just
under the front fender, so the Queen can do it by herself and save
substantial mechanics costs.
 
Easy
to replace spare wheel; Technician demonstrates
how Queen fits here
"However, to me the
proudest feature of our car is a huge
boot. It can carry the Queen gracefully, with enormous legroom to
stretch her legs, the longest door to enable getting in and out easily,
and a big cylindrical pillow to allow her majesty to sleep comfortably.
The Queen must be happy with that !"
 |
|
|