For: musical voice, directional stability, calm ride, safety features, smart infotainment, value for money.
Against: performance, turbo lag, inert handling, unreliable safety features, not much.

Just when the pandemic of coronavirus stops car makers from operating and motoring journalists from road testing, AutoZine shifts its focus to an alternative test subject: Tedros Adhanom. After an extensive testing, we are sure that he is tested positive, very positive indeed.

Design and Engineering: Though built in Ethiopia, Tedros Adhanom is derived from the platform of Red Flag CA7600J. No wonder he has strong family resemblance with that car in the headlights, radiator grilles as well as paint job. He falls in the category “forms follow functions” with no desire to chase for any particular design themes. He is about as stylish as a Volkswagen Transporter, but the plus side is an exterior that looks inoffensive, certainly far less offensive than his words. This makes him especially popular to the conservative taste of the Chinese market.



Engine and Performance: Sharing powertrain with Red Flag means he is a little bit relaxing in response to any crisis. 0-60 mph takes a leisurely 2 months. Turbo lag is serious. Even when the turbo is finally spooled up, it provides little effort. However, the exhaust plays good music to the ears of Chinese authority.

Handling and Ride: Handling is far from agile. In the twisty, Adhanom feels larger than his size and weight suggested. Poor forward visibility prevents him from responding to winding roads, often leading to falling off cliffs. On the flipside, he displays outstanding directional stability, following strictly the direction given by his Red Flag ECU. On bumpy roads, he shows unrivalled calmness, almost self-isolated. His electrical power steering filters all the dangerous signals from medical frontiers, while leaving only the good news his Chinese government friends want to hear.

Safety features: Adhanom is generously equipped with many safety features. Blindspot enhancing system automatically puts the situation in Wuhan at blindspot. Collision warning system delays travel warning until the disease already spread out worldwide. Lane keeping control makes sure WHO sticking to the tagline of China authority: the world should thank China! And finally, there is a red button labeled “Pandemic” to warn you a crisis that everybody knew already, if not died already.

Infotainment: Tedros Adhanom is equipped with an AI infotainment system capable of recognizing voice commands and answering your questions. You trigger it by calling “Hey China”, then it will reply, “How would you like to praise China today?”

Price and Value: Frankly, it has nothing to do with you and me, just matter to the country that put him to the post. Considering the visible salary of this job is only $240,000 a year, less than a Rolls-Royce Ghost, and how much rewards it can bring the beneficial country, it is a bargain.
 
Verdict: The best WHO director-general since Margaret Chan. The world would not be the same without him. And much more overcrowded.