April Fool's Joke




Since 2002, every year AutoZine posts a joke on the 1st of April. Here is a collection of the past jokes. Enjoy !




2003

China Brilliance partner with BMW


   3 and 5-series - to be produced by China Brilliance

News from Beijin / Munich: Today Chinese car maker China Brilliance has signed an agreement with BMW to produce various BMW vehicles in China from early 2004. The first product to roll off the production line in Shanghai will be 3-series, followed by the new generation 5-series (see above News) in the fall. It is expected the production volume will reach 150,000 units in the first year. Most will be sold in the fast-growing Chinese market, but as production rise in the following years, the Chinese-built BMW will replace South African BMW as the source for the whole Pan-Pacific area, including Japan, Australia and the USA. From year 2006, China Brilliance-BMW expect to produce up to 1.5 million vehicles a year, actually eclipsing BMW's own production capacity.

Construction of a new, state of the art manufacturing plant in Shanghai has been started. The plant will have its own engine plant, assembly plant, paint shop, trimming shop and all the local supply chains providing Chinese-grade components, including fake ones. Beside the factory is an advanced R&D center, which has a 300mm/h wind tunnel and a hide-speed test track. The R&D center will employ a lot of local missile experts to ensure their products hit the targets.

The production plant itself consists of 3 parts. The biggest one will assemble 3, 5 and later 1 series. The second one is a lower volume plant to produce 7 series and Z4. The latter is now enjoying huge success thanks to the strange styling by Chris Bangle that strangely attracted a lot of strange customers in a strange world like this. That means, the sole production plant in Spartanburg, USA is now considered insufficient thus the Chinese plant will help fulfilling the strange demand.

The third plant will be a human-intensive workshop mirroring the M-division in Munich. BMW said the next generation 500-hp V10-powered M5 will be produced exclusively in Shanghai, leaving Munich concentrating on producing M-spec bumpers, spoilers and other trivial parts to feed German workers who choose not to rely on social welfare. Low Chinese labor cost means the E60 M5 will cost less than a Chevrolet Cavalier, a good news to car enthusiasts, or a bad news to GM. To further enhance efficiency, the plant will also produce the next generation M3 using the same V10 engine, then a V10-powered M2 (based on the 1-series). The Mini will also receive the V10, but it will be mounted transversely at the nose and drive only the steering wheel. BMW hopes it will fulfil the Italian job again. However, the most promising product could be a special edition C1 motorbike, again, using the 500 horsepower V10. Expect the Chinese-built M-Power C1 will be cheaper than an entry-level Vespa scooter. BMW executives want to see whether its superior value for money could save the unsuccessful C1 from dying.

C1 to be upgraded with V10 power

Most interesting is that the human-intensive workshop will also produce Rolls-Royce Phantom, mainly supplying Chinese government officials. Of course, to suit Chinese taste, the "Red Flag Royce-Royce" will be substantially localized. For example, leather chairs will be replaced by bamboo ones, lacquered wood will be replaced by Chinese furniture wood, door panels will be clad with silk instead of leather, cup-holders will be replaced by cuspidor-holders, and there are 10 of them in the cabin to fulfill the needs of government officials. The interior trim will have unlimited choices of colors as long as it is "red" or "simply red". Externally, little will be changed, except that the flying lady will be replaced with flying dragon. "Flying Mao" will be optional, depending on the customer's political positioning. An exclusive source to AutoZine also reveals that People Liberation Army is considering buying the Red Flag Rolls-Royce to serve as tanks. They believe the 2.5-ton Rolls-Royce will be as bullet-proof as its bulky look suggest and as reliable as US Army's CH-47 helicopter. The assessors in PLA said the car's styling is already enough to classify it into "tank", according to English-Chinese dictionary.


"Red Flag Rolls-Royce" - set to serve Chinese army


P.S. Happy April Fool !





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