Bugatti Veyron ready to launch

An exclusive source to AutoZine reveals that Bugatti Veyron is about to launch shortly. After almost 2 years of delay, Bugatti has finally solved the technical difficulties regarding engine cooling and high speed stability. Now the first customer car is already under assembly at the Molsheim factory. It will be delivered to Dr. Ferdinand Piech in the next April Fool, if no more delay is experienced.

In a recent interview by our secret source in a bar while he was drunk, Volkswagen boss Bernd Pischetsrieder said, "I am so glad that this crap is finally finished ! especially at a time our Golf sells so poorly. Hopefully it will lift the image of our Volkswagen-brand products. Our customers should be taught that cars are not necessarily as cheap and trouble-free as our Golf. Just look at this crap and you will understand ! it gave me so much headache !"

Pischetsrieder's headache is not without reasons. The Bugatti Veyron project was running over-budgeted and seriously delayed due to a series of technical and quality issues. 4 years ago, Bugatti claimed a world-beating top speed of 252mph and 0-60mph acceleration in only 3.0 seconds. Its quad-turbo W16 engine was said to pump out a record-breaking 1001 horsepower. However, when Bugatti put all components together, they found the engine overheated and the car would airborne at that speed.

"We really thought of a variety of solutions", said the drunk Pischetsrieder, "one of which was to add a decimal point to the horsepower figure, reducing it to 100.1hp. Unfortunately, we found the guys at marketing department had already printed the brochures, so we turned down the idea after calculating the cost involved."

"Another solution was to add air conditioning to the engine compartment. We built a prototype with a super-strong air conditioning and a 4-zone automatic climate control (i.e., to cool the 4 banks of cylinders). We even developed an i-Drive-style control unit for the cooling system just because it sounds cool. Unfortunately, we found the air conditioning unit itself consumed 400 horsepower, and then it needed another air conditioning to cool it down, so forth… it's too complicated, so we turned down the idea."

"In the end, we found an ingenious solution - we detuned the engine to 500hp and stick with a voluntarily limited top speed of 155mph. When the customers need to access 1001hp and 252mph, they can drive their Veyron back to us, and then our experts will release its potential by plugging in a notebook computer, downloading the latest Sony GT4 software to the in-car management system. At the same time, our technicians will help our customers to put on a VR (editor note: Virtual Reality) video mask. Once you press the start button, you can enjoy beating McLaren F1, Ferrari Enzo or whatever ! all these can be done without risking your life ! ingenious !